stephmacintosh

After my first three months at the Mount, I feel comfortable with the new atmosphere and routine. So many things have changed in my life, most of them for the better. I have met tons of new friends, learned new things in my classes, and joined the recreation society, residence life society, public relations and communications society, and volunteering at the wellness centre on campus. One of my favourite things about living away from home is the independence of living on my own. Assisi residence is connected to the rest of the buildings on campus, so I’m not forced to ever go outside if unnecessary. The freedom of eating when it suits me and building my own schedule around my classes is refreshing. That is something I miss when I go home on weekends to visit.

When considering my personal communication skills, they have been most impacted by my communications class. I have rarely  been made aware of my non-verbal communication and communication in my interpersonal relationships. Even though I have thought it over, I was never really taught about how to analyze and improve these skills.

When considering my non-verbal communication, I have most noticed a difference with my other friends in the pubic relations program. Since we have all become aware of these different styles of language and communication climate, I think it has improved how we relate with each other, especially non-verbally. When considering my interpersonal relationships, my communication has changed with my family and professional relationships with my teachers. I don’t think I have ever thought about the length or depth of my relationships until I heard of certain theories and models from my communications book. When reflecting on this information, it really puts meaning and definition in certain relationships.

I loved my first term at the Mount, and I’m so excited to finish the rest of the semester with my friends and professors. This is exactly the experience I wanted for myself, and I believe it is helping me grow as a person. I have really enjoyed learning about communication styles and language, as I think anyone might benefit from learning about how to improve their relationships.

The most recent book I have read was titled Kathy’s Story by Kathy O’Beirne. Based In Dublin, Ireland in the 18th to late 20th centuries, Kathy was born into a family of disgrace and abuse. Her family sent through a series of catholic-run reformatory homes and psychiatric institutions. Hundreds of thousand of ‘fallen women’ were transferred in and out of the Catholic church’s care, and left to fall between the cracks. Following her 18 years of sexual, emotional and physical abuse, she left the Magdalene Laundry she was presently at. Kathy’s Story is an autobiography of her past abuse and her future of forgiving those in her past. In her appendix, Kathy describe the building of all future relationships a struggle. She mentioned always being defensive and isolating herself for the wrong reasons, and almost found it impossible to build trust with anyone around her. Her book made me appreciative of growing up in such a secure environment, and also made me question modern communication.

We learn the communication we experience. With healthy communication, we often use positive body language, engaging clearly and directly, and portray our emotions with our voice tone and pitch. In our interpersonal relationships, trust is built off of effective communication. In our daily lives, most of our interactions are simple and respectful, and we feel safe with those we are in contact with. If that illusion of safety was shattered, we would deeply appreciate our families, schools and communities for what they raised us to be.

Seeing as Kathy was surrounded by continuous, constant negativity, her self esteem was severely tarnished, and communication skills almost on existent. Because she was told she was worthless all her life, the way she communicated with the world demonstrated that. All she knows from her dark past is damage and hurt, and numbing her emotions so she doesn’t feel anything. Even in the present, after years of counselling and attempts at forgiveness and relationship development, she still feels as if she is not whole, like there is a piece of her missing. That piece can never be retrieved, and her experiences can be used as a reminder of how important nurture and love is in our cognitive developpment.

     In my everyday life, I am constantly connected. I am on my phone talking to people from home, on my computer reviewing my calendar, and getting updates from news, media and Moodle every hour. Most people are routinely picking up and putting down an electronic device, which cam cause resentment among friends and family. By changing our head direction from looking at our hands to the person in front of us, too many have become submersed in the internet addiction and have lost touch with the sincerity of personal conversations, but there are some who haven’t forgotten how important it is to make time for those important to you.

     We are raised in a society of manners and kindness, to be polite and appreciate the people in our lives. Today’s kids are growing up in a radically different world than we did- the internet is available to anyone, anywhere, at literally anytime. Personal communication is slowly dying out because of the convenience of smartphones. Phone calls have become 50% shorter than they were 5 years ago, and texting is on the rise. It is definitely a privilege to keep in touch when there’s distance between two people, but when is the line crossed to obsessive? In most interpersonal relationships, we rely on trust, guidence and communication. Most people would agree it is impossible to develop that connection when you are not spending a certain amount of time with someone, but still, we have internet dating, chat groups and voice recorders. In conversations where someone pulls out there phone, regardless of geographical or demographic factors, their partner said to feel less empathy and connection to them. There was also less eye contact, and ultimately had a negative impact on the whole interaction (www.livescience.com/46817-smart-lower-conversation-quality.html).

There’s no denying the simplicity of reaching down to our phones, but ultimately, cell phones are protecting us from true communication. While we are drowning in Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, we are missing the bigger picture. Life is going on outside of the screens.

On September 30, 2015, I pretended that everyone I came across was a potential friend. I carried myself more confidently, spoke to more strangers, and smiled twice as much. Ultimately, I found this experience made me more self-conscience. I imagined meeting myself, and how I would react. I wanted to be someone you would like to meet, someone bright, positive and outgoing. I wanted to seem genuine without trying too hard, and confident. For this one day, I concentrated on how that kind of person would get their personality to shine through their actions, not just their words. I wanted to smile, laugh and talk to new people. I found I had to consciously remind myself to appear open and inviting, and to be kind. It’s not as if these things are not already actions I am used to, but to have constant awareness of communication I cannot directly control was hard. I am definitely used to going through the day just being myself, not looking to impress anyone. I love meeting new people, but don’t see it as my mission in life. Throughout the day where it was my mission, I found myself focusing on three specific factors:

To me, clothing is the most common form of communicating non verbally, and I became very aware as the day went on the impression that others would be making of me because of my jeans and casual shirt. How did I appear to professors? How did I appear to mature students, who are dressed in sweats, or international students, wearing winter coats?

I tried my best to smile at all occasions. I think this communicates I am a fun and warm person to be around, but I also found it difficult to keep up with (facial muscles became exhausted).

I was extremely attentive. I tried my hardest to be a listener, to be someone who cared. I paid attention to every person I interacted with, and tried to make the most positive impact I could on them in the smallest amount of time

As I’ve learned, non verbal communication is the biggest aspect in our first impression of someone. After becoming extremely self-conscious for one day, I can say I am content with just being myself.

Our interpersonal relationships are built to satisfy all of our needs, emotional and physical. The strength of our relationships is dependant on our satisfaction of these needs. This means if we understand our needs and how they can best be met, our interactions and relationships will be affected directly. By appreciating and understanding our MBTI types, communication can easily be improved.

Take, for example, an INTP type personality. These critical thinkers are often physicists, scientists and the like. The most detached and formal personalities would not have the easiest time communicating with an ESFP, who is named the party animal and the most empathetic, warm personality type. These two are at opposite sides of the personality spectrum, and are bound to conflict because of their communications styles. If the two were able to see eye to eye in understanding why they were different (by using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), they may be more open to improving such a relationship.

Personally, I am a ENFP type and the basis of my relationships are formed from my feelings and compatibility of imagination. I am passionate and driven, but can also flip to a free-spirit and enthusiastic leader. Although, I can quickly lose my patience and temper if things are not going my way. Those that are close to me get along with me very well, or are my best friends. They understand my patterns and routines, and how I am bound to react to negative situations. My predictability helps others understand what is going on in my head and react appropriately. For those who do not know me or my habits, I can seem random and unmanageable, or not someone you’d want to spend time with. Once getting to know me, it’s easy to understanding that I am an ENFP type and have an obsessive need of creativity and freedom of expression.

Knowing another’s MBTI type would be useful in predicting their approach to communication and relevant future actions. Knowing someone’s type would open the awareness to how we are all different, but can all find a way to cooperate and improve current interpersonal relationships.

I believe values give us quality and worth as humans. It is how our common laws and relationships are formed, and give us all as individuals meaning to our priorities. These ethics of what is right and important dictate how we communicate with our peers, parents, authority, and society as a whole. They are involuntary, meaning we create limits without consciously realizing the are there at all. Our values play an essential role in the way we view ourselves, others, and our role in social situations.

A loss of values, or the absence of them, can lead to negative feelings of self worth, just as a low standard of values can lead to negative feeling of self worth. This is a routine that repeats itself until a higher standard of values is set. When one starts to respect these values, feelings of self worth unquestionably begin to improve. Strong and positive values tend to give us worth and structure, which can better our self worth. This in turn can give us more confidence to introduce ourselves to a stranger, speak up, or tell a joke.

We all know someone who brightens up a room, who is always wearing a smile and who seems to have it made. If you were to ask them about their self esteem, it would probably be connected to their outlook of life- Great! Their values reflect their daily actions, as most of them are social magnets. It is difficult not to envy these people, as we all have a desire to be happy, liked, and have high esteem. We tend to surround ourselves with those that share similar values, and often avoid those whose values clash with our own. Common beliefs, determine how other people approach us, and can completely change the dynamics of an always-changing relationship.

Clear and constructive beliefs usually result in a positive outlook on one’s self and of relationships. It is important to remember that to improve our values we must first improve our self esstem. If we were to help each other to realize our differences and similarities, our standards and values, our self awareness would grow interminally and our relationships would strengthen.

Entering high school, I was always quite anxious about my future plans. I had a feeling that my schoolmates had their plans set in stone and careers laid out. I knew I wanted to enter post secondary, though that was the end of things I was sure of. There’s plenty of things that I am good at and have achieved, but the summer before my grad year, I was entirely confused by where I would fit in after my short high school career.

After contemplating taking a business or arts degree over the course of two years, I was stressed to the point my mother packed me up and made the drive to the other side of the province. We had stopped at a total of four universities, where I had only been overwhelmed by three. I was intrigued by the Mount because of it’s geographical location- Just outside of the city, where I knew I wanted to live, but small enough that I wouldn’t lose a sense of community. Going on a tour of the Mount felt comfortable, and gave me a sure sense of home. Although my tour was tailored to fit a biology and science program, I was greeted by smiles and answers to every question that came to mind. My main interests are fitness, volunteering, extracurricular activities and of course, my studies, and everything I was shown at the university was highly appealing to me. I was given information of the Public Relations program, which I began to start research on the degree and classes the Mount offers. I’m interested in assisting people and organizations in a leadership position as a career, and making other’s days easier to get through. Any degree that can guide me to that goal is definitely worth my time, and I kept this in mind as I filled out my application.

In October of my grad year, still anxious of where my plans were leading, I had applied to 3 schools. Upon receiving my acceptance, I really decided to take a chance. Moving away from home was an easy decision for me, and the year passed by me so quickly that before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to my cat and leaving my small island. Now is time to start a new adventure, and I’m as excited as ever to see where the Mount will take me.